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 My story that i'm writing

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PostSubject: My story that i'm writing   Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:00 pm

Ok I wanting some opinions on my story that i'm writing at the moment. this is the introduction.

March 2010
This is my world. The world I live in is very different to the one you see. My world is raged by wars not seen by the human eye. What you all see is peaceful and somewhat civilized. You’re lucky that way. I enjoy fighting but sometimes I wish I could have a break. What I am and what you are are very different. I’m what you would call a mutant.
My name is River and I’m a telekinesis. That means I can move things with my mind. I also heal very quickly. It can be really helpful when you are being shot at. Not by a gun but by another mutant, a mutant who can fire spikes at you. It’s very painful. The mutant’s name is Spike. I wonder why. J. I’m also fairly strong and I love using my fists and my feet.

This war was started by a mutant called Brody. He doesn’t think that humans should live. Let me explain why. Most human’s hate mutants and most mutants hate humans. It’s like racism, just more violent. Mutants are humans with a genetic mutation; this causes them to have a special ability. A lot of mutants hide amongst humans without them knowing. We are now 2 years into the war.

what do you think?
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Thu Dec 03, 2009 6:14 am

AWESOME!!!! I think so anyway.
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:46 am

chapter eight well as far as i've gotten.
Chapter 8 At all costs

Everyone who was conscious or able to fight took positions around the house ready to fight. I moved the farthest from the house. When they came close enough I would attack and stop as many troops from coming through. Bryan was up the front with. Though he was standing a little back from me.
Brody’s army was really slow either that or they were doing that funny march thing that they do. I was going for slow and stupid.
When they came into view they looked unorganized and unprepared for fighting. New born vampires. This would be fun. I sent a message through our new coms. They were now getting prepared for war with vampires. Lucky that Bryan was up the front. If we were lucky we could take them down within minutes. But of course we’re not lucky so it’ll take ages.
They were close now and I ran with both swords in my hands and started fighting. It also suddenly got a lot hotter. Bryan was at work and I heard a lot of screams. I was making my way through the army fairly quickly. At the moment they didn’t seem to be getting past Bryan and I. That was good, real good.
The next hour was a bit of a blur. The others started slowly joining in. There couldn’t be many soldiers left. There couldn’t be.
“Everyone move back” I yelled. We needed to see how many soldiers there might be and it wouldn’t be easy while you’re in the middle. I could see everyone moving out of the fight. I jumped up swiftly and did a flip in the air before landing at the edge of the fight. With a quick movement I used my mind to shove them all back so that we could recover.
“Ok, River what the hell?” Josh said to me after I had landed.
“One, we need a break and two Brody is in there” I told them. The look on their faces were of surprise.
“Do you think he knows where we live?” Mel asked with concern in her voice.
“I don’t think so. I don’t even think that he knows that we’re a bunch of kids.” I replied.
“Well lets find out” Bryan said with a smile. We quickly planned our attack. It was going to be a lot of fun. We were going to take down as many of Brody’s guys as possible leaving a gap where we would purposely attack Brody.
I was the one who was dobbed in for attacking Brody. If anything went wrong we would call to each other and retreat real quickly.
“Ok lets go” Bryan said looking at all of us. We moved quickly, real quickly. Brody’s army didn’t even see us move. Within seconds we had attacked on an un-expecting army. I could clearly hear Brody yelling and pinpointed where he was.
“Bryan. You there?” I said over the com.
“Yeah I’m here. What’s up?” He replied.
“Brody is in the middle area off to the right. That’s where we need to clear.” I told him.
“Got it” He said. He started giving orders over the com and I moved my way through Brody’s army. I was soon joined by Chase and Jay.J, who looked very drowsy. In a couple of swift movements we moved into a triangle and started fighting anything that came towards us.
“Hey River, Thanks for the darts. Now I got a humongous headache” Jay.J sarcastically told me.
“You’re so welcome” I replied with a smile. Chase started giggling and Jay.J swung around really quickly and gibbslapped him.
“Ow. What was that for?” He asked.
“For laughing” Jay.J told him. I laughed.
“Chase you just got gibbslapped.” I said to him while gibbslapping Jay.J. “Though I’m usually the one doing the gibbslapping” I said. Chase laughed and hit the vampire that came at him.
“Ok these things won’t die” Chase said out of frustration. I quickly swung around and staked it in the heart. Dust.
“That’s how you do it. Or you can decapitate it or you can burn it.” I told him. He looked at me funnily then turned back to his fight.
“Since when were vampires real?” He asked.
“Uh, since they were.” Jay.J replied sarcastically. We got back to fighting. From those last words there was no conversation. It just went quiet. There was a lot of swearing but that was it. The fact that vampires were real brought us all to reality. We were fighting something that was stronger than us. And it was also immortal and the longer they lived the stronger. Those who couldn’t fight didn’t stand a chance against them. We know that from personal experience.
It was almost midnight when I was thrown through a bunch of vampires and came sliding to a stop. Right in front of Brody. Chase came sliding through about 5 seconds later.
“Oh, Chase how lovely of you to grace us with your rotten presence. Looking to be killed?” Brody said trying to take a stab at sarcasm.
“Now you really suck at sarcasm” I said getting up and brushing myself off. Brody just looked at me.
“And who are you?” Brody asked looking at me strangely.
“Um. A person” I said.
“Ok little girl there is no time for games because we are in the middle of a fight right…” He said before trailing off when one of his guys came up to him.
“Um sir, she’s ne of the people fighting against us. And so are the people standing behind her” The guy told him.
“You mean we’re getting our asses kicked by a bunch of kids” he yelled.
“Yup yup” I said. “Oh and it’s arses not ass’s unless your donkey’s are having their arses kicked.” I sarcastically told him. Brody looked very, very mad. I could hear Josh laughing behind me.
“You are a little smart ass and you...” he started to say when I interrupted him.
“Arse.” I corrected him. By now I was about to burst into laughter. Brody all of a sudden leaped at me. I stepped to the side with my fist ready to punch him. Instead I kicked him and sent him flying back.
“I don’t see why you’re so surprised that we’re kids” I said to him. I was circling him ready to strike at him again. He got up very quickly and started circling me too. Brody was stupid. Very stupid. Anyone knows that you don’t launch at your opponent. It was obvious that he didn’t when he launched at me the second time. I simply punch him without really moving. He landed on the ground.
“Oh come on Brody. Rule number one of fighting don’t be too eager to attack your opponent. Oh and don’t jump at them” I said circling him again.
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:47 am

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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Tue Dec 08, 2009 7:57 am

Ha ha...funny... Love it Cate.
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Sun Jan 17, 2010 10:45 am

Chapter 1
Meet the family and friends

As you already know my name is River. I sadly have three brothers and one sister. I also have my mother.
Mark my oldest brother is still with the humans. We thought that he would be safer there because he’s autistic and doesn’t understand things like that.
Bryan is the second oldest of us kids. Bryan is really annoying. His ability is controlling fire, though he prefers to use guns Bryan is quite tall and he makes me feel short. He has blue hair because of a prank we pulled on him, Bryan is 18 years old and he loves crunchie chocolate. We generally don’t get along too well and when he is on the battlefield he carries at least four guns with him.
Next you have Josh. Josh might act like a complete idiot but he is quite smart. Josh’s ability is to change any part of his body into any animal of his choice. Josh has a major love animals and nature, and he has been very careful about where he lands since landing in mum’s rose bushes. He also has a weird habit of collecting flowers in the middle of a fight. Josh also loves Jay.J’s cat Tit tat. Josh prefers to use his gun and sword as his main weapons.
Last of the kids is Jade. Jade talks a lot. Actually too much at times, but I still love her. Her ability is controlling water. I really hate it when she soaks me. I don’t mind the rain though. Jade does do other things that don’t include talking which are dancing and singing. Jade has quite a bubbly personality and she loves bright colours. It’s not very helpful when you’re hiding at night. Jade is only nine years old and she has orange hair.
The last of my family is my mother Sam. Mum doesn’t have any special abilities like us kids. She’ll yell and hit people when it’s needed. She is mainly here to make sure that none of us die. We call her the domestic goddess. Mum has short brown spiky hair with blonde tips. When she isn’t making sure that we aren’t dying she’ll quilt or do a puzzle or look at art deco. I might skip on telling you her age because I kind of forgot.

Now it’s time to meet my friends. First of my friends is Jackie. Jackie is a girl that I found injured while fighting. We found out about her ability the hard way. When mum was trying to clean up her wounds she screamed. It killed our ears. As it turns out she is only thirteen years old. She has blonde hair and she lost her parents in a fight against each other. Jackie loves dressing up and she carries a bow and arrow around with her.
Next of my friends is the twins Lara and Mel. Lara is quite clutzy and she is a teleporter. Lara has light brown hair and acts like a blonde a lot. Lara likes drawing and watching TV when she can. She uses a dagger as her main weapon. Mel is also a major clutz. Mel likes fighting mainly using a stake and her fists. Her ability is speed. It’s so funny when she trips over while showing off. Mel likes hitting things, mainly people though, that can be funny too.
Jay.J is another one of my insanely crazy friends. She can transform into a tiger whenever she wants. Jay.J has brown hair with red streaks in it. At times she has trouble controlling her transformations so she can be quite vicious. Jay.J loves sleeping when she can and she is sixteen years old.
Last of my friends, not including Tit Tat is Lena. Lena has no family and is another one of those people we made friends with on the battlefield. She can control air which can be quite useful. She is like me and has very long hair but her’s is orange. She enjoys shopping and dancing on air.
We also have Tit Tat aka Ninja Kitty. She is pretty much a ninja. It’s really funny when the bad guys think she’s completely innocent then she turns all ninja. It was so funny when she did that to Bryan. I almost died from laughing so hard.

How the war started

***2 years ago***
The war was started by a mutant called Brody. He can control metal. There was an argument between Brody and another human. We do not know who the human was but we do know that Brody killed him. Brody planned to kill all humans and those who protected them. Mutants who were against this stopped Brody and his army at the border between our worlds.
After being in the war for five minutes I made one new friend a new enemy. We were late on coming into the war by five days. My new friend is Jackie and my new enemy is Spike. He can shoot spikes out of his arms and it looks really gross. Now that’s weird coming from me.
‘Hey you!’ I yelled at the big guy pinning the young girl down.
‘Are you talking to me girl?’ he growled at me.
‘Yeah, I am’ I replied.
‘Do you know who you’re messing with?’ He asked.
‘Nope and I don’t really care’ I replied sarcastically.
‘I’m the Spike’ he said before raising his arm at me and a spike flew out of his arm.
‘Whoa! Holly crap’ I yelled before ducking down. ‘That’s why they call him the Spike’ I murmured to myself. Spike kept shooting them at me and I kept dodging them. I suddenly stopped trying to hide and turned around to look at him.
‘Those things hurt!’ I yelled I said before running forward and pushing my hand forward and making him go flying back. ‘Pay back is a b***h’ I said before grabbing the young girl and running.
When I made it back to camp Bryan was waiting for me.
‘What did you do this time?’ he teased looking at my cut arm. I flicked my hand and he went flying back.
‘I got into a fight, it’s a war zone you know you generally do that. Something that you suck at’ I said. Josh stuck his head out of a window and called.
‘Hey d**khead!’
‘Yeah’ Bryan replied. Josh cracked up laughing before ducking back inside dodging a fireball.
‘I’ll get you back.’ He yelled looking at me. I stuck my tongue out at him and ran inside.
‘MUM!’ I called when I was safe inside from Bryan.
‘Yeah’ she called back. ‘What did you do this time?’
‘Why does everyone think I did something? It wasn’t me this time.’ I asked walking into the kitchen.
‘Oh jeez. What happened here? And who is this?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know what happened and I don’t know who it is either.’ I replied to her question.
‘You better hope this girl is on our side River’ she told me.
‘Well considering the person who was trying to kill her was trying to kill me too I think she’s on our side.’ I said sarcastically.
***3 hours later***
Everybody had been called to the kitchen. Mum had made Bryan stay on the opposite side of the room to me.
‘Ok everyone looks like they need some serious help out there. Try and help out there as much as possible. If you get badly injured please come back. I’ll stay back here keep this area war free. You kids can do more than me out there so just go and get everything you need now so that you don’t have to come back…unless you want to eat.’ Mum said to all of us. We all started leaving the room and as soon as mum wasn’t watching Bryan started heading toward me. ‘And Bryan don’t even try that on your sister. It’s bad enough that there is a war going on out there but seriously we don’t need one in here.’ Mum said looking at Bryan. Bryan stormed out of the room mumbling ‘I’ll get you’ as he stomped past me.
Lara cracked up laughing before dragging me out the door.
‘So what did you do to Bryan this time?’ Lara asked gleefully.
‘I just made him fall over’ I said as we arrived at my room.
‘Ha-ha. Nice job. See you in a couple of minutes.’ She said before skipping away. Lara’s pleasure in my brother’s pain was funny.
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Sun Jan 17, 2010 10:47 am

Chapter 3
The Present Day

‘Ouch.’ I said as I flipped over avoiding yet another foot to the gut. Next thing I know he’ll pull a gun out. That will be interesting.
‘Hey River, look at me.’ I heard Josh yell before seeing him lassoed and pulled to the ground.
‘Oh crap now I have to help him out.’ I grumbled.
I hit the guy I was fighting one more time and knocked him unconscious before running to where I saw Josh go down. Before I got there I heard the familiar sound of the 50 Calibre machine gun. By my guess Bryan beat me there.
When I arrived there Bryan and Josh were wrestling on the ground and there were five guys were headed our general direction.
‘Uh guys you do realise there is more people to hit.’ I said. I turned around as I heard Lara and Mel approach.
‘Those two are so immature at times.’ Mel told me.
‘Yeah it’s kinda cute I reckon.’ Lara said. Mel and I looked at her. I reached up and put my hand on her forehead.
‘Are you feeling ok Lara, because seriously... that was weird.’ I asked her.
‘I’m fine.’ Lara replied quickly.
‘Someone has a crush.’ Mel gleefully teased before speeding off.
‘I’ll get you Mel, just watch me.’ Lara said before teleporting after Mel. I shook my head and sprinted after them. I knew that I’d never catch them but I did know that I could find a fight in this mess. I almost ran right into Jackie.
‘Hey Jackie,’ I said to her.
‘Oh hey River, are you trying to find something to hit?’ Jackie asked. That was a weird question.
‘I guess so, why?’ I replied looking at her.
‘Won’t be very hard here, there are plenty of guys to hit.’ Jackie informed me.
‘Oh cool.’ I said as I started to walk away. ‘Oh yeah Jackie,’ I called turning around.
‘Yeah River’ Jackie replied.
‘Scream if you need help.’ I told her.
‘Are you really sure you want me to do that.’ She asked. I thought for a sec. Oh.
‘Oh... never mind just yell. That’ll work.’ I replied quickly. I started walking away. I thought I heard someone yelling my name. I turned around to see Jade running toward me.
‘Hey Jade...’ I started but she interrupted me.
‘River, Bryan found a girl injured at the beach. He wanted me to find you and ask what he needs to do.’ Jade panted. She leaned over trying to catch her breath.
‘Ok, ok calm down Jade. I need you to take me there.’ I asked. ‘And Jade... I have never known you to be out of breath.’ I sarcastically told her.
‘Ok follow me.’ She told me. She started running in the same direction that she came in, I followed.
When we got there Josh was also there. They were trying to get the girl away from the water.
‘Jade please stop the water from coming in any more.’ I ordered. Jade raised up her hands. There was suddenly a huge wave going in the opposite direction of what the water was coming in. With one flick of her wrist purposely wet Bryan without getting Josh or the girl. A huge smile came over Josh’s face like he was about to say something. But he kept his mouth shut. I ran over to them with Jade closely following.
‘I’ll go see if I can find Mel, Lara and Jackie.’ He told me. Wings sprouted out of his back and he jumped off the ground. ‘See you in a couple of minutes.’ He yelled.

The wind was really cool and strong. From about 50 metres above the ground I could see Mel and Lara. They were caught up in a fight. I quickly and swiftly dropped down onto the ground running towards them while transforming my hands into bear claws. When I arrived there I started clawing at some guys. Within about 2 minutes all were lying on the ground. If they weren’t dead they were moaning and groaning.
“Hey Josh.” Lara greeted me.
“Hey Lara, River needs you at the ocean right near the big oak tree.” I informed them.
“Ok, cool thanks for the help Josh.” Mel said. Lara looked at Mel. A huge grin came across her face.
“Race you?” she asked Mel.
“Oh yeah,” Mel laughed before speeding off. Lara teleported after her laughing.
“Now I just have to find Jackie.” I told myself. I wondered who would win the race between Mel and Lara. I suddenly bent down covering my ears. Jackie was close by screaming. The pain stopped and I got up running towards where I heard the screams.

“Oh damn it Bryan please get Jade to shut up.” I growled. Did she think that I could concentrate and clean this girl up with her singing? I could hear Bryan being mean to Jade and telling her to shut up. I looked at the girls face. She had delicate features. Her hair was really long and orange. Her eyes suddenly fluttered and opened.
“Oh hello.” She whispered.
“Hello.” I replied automatically. “What’s your name?” I asked before hearing Mel and Lara approach. I turned around to look at them and saw Mel trip over and fall on top of Lara, who then fell over too. I heard Josh and Jackie burst into laughter. I smiled. Lara and Mel were too clumsy for their own good.
“Lena, that’s my name.” The girl known as Lena replied. She was smiling too, like the rest of us. I turned and looked at her.
“That’s a nice name.” I told her.
“Thanks.” She said sitting up. “I really need to get over the sight of blood.”
By now her face had gone red.
“Don’t worry my sister cleaned most of it up. By the way my name is River.” I told her.
“Wow that’s a nice name.” She replied. Josh came running over and came to a halt 15cm from me.
“Hello my name is Josh.” Josh informed her. “And that is Lara, Mel, Jackie, Jade and Bryan.” He pointed to each person as he said their name.
“Thank-you Josh for the introductions.” She said smiling. Josh went red and ran away.
“Is he always like that?” Lena asked.
“No he isn’t.” I replied grinning.
“Really?” she asked.
“It’s true.” I told her before yelling. “Hey Josh where is Matt,”
“Not really sure.” He answered. “Why?”
“Just wondering,” I replied.
“Who is Matt?” Lena asked.
“Oh he’s Josh’s best friend. He can turn invisible.” I told her. I smiled. Matt was sly he loved trying to scare me. It never works. It does work on everyone else. Bryan even shot me because Matt scared him. That hurt. I was waiting for Matt to show up because every time his name is mentioned he seems to appear.
“Has he ever snuck up on you before?” Lena asked drawing me out of my thoughts.
“No it doesn’t work with me. It does work with everyone else though.” I said before something drew our attention away. In the distance I could see two figures walking towards us. Josh was looking closely. Then he yelled.
“Ninja Kit... Ahhhh!” he screamed as Matt appeared.
“Told you so,” I said to Lena. She was laughing hard.
“Who. Is. Ninja. Kitty. And. That. Girl.” She said in between gasps.
“That’s Jay. J and her cat Titty Tat.” I laughed. Matt and Josh were play wrestling.
“Ok everybody we better move before we get ambushed.” I yelled to everyone.
“How are we going to get ambushed while you’re here? Nobody’ll get past you.” Jay. J said as she came to a stop.
“How can the not get past you?” Lena asked.
“River can tell when people are close to her. damn it.” Matt said.
“Ok. Then why do we have to leave?”
“Cause they can’t and it’s better to be in a group.”
“Let’s just go please.” I pleaded and pointed out.
“Ok let’s go south.” Lara said. We all followed her. I stood behind her just in case she fell back.

Chapter 4
Break Out

We split up after nightfall. Bryan, Matt and Josh went together. Everything was fairly quiet at the moment. Thing I didn’t get was that mutants are all the same kind but were at war with mutants. We were walking through what was nicknamed the “Graveyard”. The bodies of hundreds of human military soldiers and plenty of mutants, it was bombed a year ago. Jay. J and I were here when the bomb went off.
“Can we go?” Jade asked breaking the silence. I had completely forgotten she was even with us.
“We just gotta make sure there are no vampires here and then we’ll go.” Mel told her.
“Why do we have to see if there are any vampires?” Jade asked.
“So that they don’t create any more,” Lara said.
“Oh right.” Jade said.
“Come on lets go.” Jay. J said. Just as we turned around Matt came running up to us.
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you where we were.” I said.
“We got into a fight and Bryan and Josh managed to get captured.” Matt panted.
“How did you get away?” Lena asked. Matt turned himself invisible. “Oh right.” She smiled sheepishly.
“Come on, I have 2 dufuss brothers to break out of jail.” I said. Mel was laughing. We started walking away from the “Graveyard”. When we heard moans and growls Mel, Lara and I spun ready for a fight. We saw 5 vampires rising.
“You take the2 on the left and I’ll take the 3 on the right.” I said to Mel and Lara.
“Yup, yup,” Mel replied and we started moving forward pulling out stakes as we went. I could hear Jade trembling in fear. The first vampire pounced at me.
“Why do they always go for me?” I yelled.
“Cause they love you.” Matt said sarcastically. I managed to swing around and hit Matt in the stomach. I heard Matt yelp in pain.
When I turned the vampire pounced on me. It tried to hit me in the head and I blocked the attack but I didn’t see his foot swing at me. His foot hit me in the leg and I cursed in pain. When I looked up I saw Jay.J in tiger form ready to pounce. She spotted the vampire I was fighting and she jumped on it. In turn Jay.J landed on the vampire which landed on me. The vampire turned to dust within seconds.
“Uh. Jay.J would you mind getting off of me” I asked the stupid tiger that was sitting on me. Jay.J got off me waltzing away to find her next victim. Within seconds she had spotted another vampire and pounced at it.
Within minutes all five vampires were dust and everyone who fought was panting.
“That was fun” Jay.J said after changing back to human form.
“FUN” I heard Lara and Mel yell. Jay.J just shrugged and walked away.
Ok so this is the plan to break Bryan and Josh out of jail. We’re going to get Jackie to scream so that we can knock out any security guards. We’d find Bryan and Josh. We’d stay on the other side of the jail doors and tease them, and then when we get bored we’ll break them out and get out of there without even being seen. We also don’t plan on telling Bryan and Josh that we had protection against Jackie’s screaming.
We all arrived at the enemy jail at sunset. Don’t ask how we knew where it was. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything. They have really tight security though. Nobody has ever broken in before. We got into our places watching for guards. When I signaled Jackie started screaming and we moved in and started hitting all the guards we saw. We quickly took them all out and started looking in all jail cells we passed searching for Bryan and Josh.
After a couple of minutes we found them. They were wrestling with each other arguing about something.
“Oi, guys” Jay.J yelled teasingly. They stopped wrestling and looked up.
“Oh hey girls” Josh said. He stood up and brushed himself off. “You wouldn’t mind getting us out would you?” he asked.
“Now why would we want to do that?” I asked sarcastically.
“River! Don’t be mean. Just get us out of here” Bryan sternly told me
“Yeah well you can’t hit me because you’re behind bars but on the other side here I am being a nice sister and willing to come here and break you out.” I replied to him.
“River can you please...” Josh trailed off as we heard yelling and lots of footsteps heading towards us.
“Dammit” I said before swinging around and kicking the jail door down. Jay.J quickly and efficiently changed into a tiger. Bryan and Josh ran out of the jail cell.
“You couldn’t have done it earlier?” Bryan asked.
“Nope that wasn’t the plan.” I replied
“You know that things never go the way they are planned right” Bryan asked.
“Yeah I realise that but oh well. We obviously didn’t hit them hard enough” I told him. The first wave of guards came and we started fighting. They were pushing us backwards trying to ram us into the second wave of guards that were waiting for us to run. I had locked into contact with three of the guards. They were pushing me back real good. I was having trouble with all three of them at once. One of them drew back leaving me with the other two. It was like they were on steroids because they were very fast and strong.
When I was expecting it the least the third guard who had drawn back kicked me in the stomach and I went skidding back and through one of the other jail cells. I hit the wall hard.
“That is what you get for messing with us” The guard called to me. They slammed the door shut.
“Dammit” I yelled getting up slowly.
“Hey are you ok?” I heard someone say from the corner of the cell.
“Yeah I’ll be fine” I replied.
“Ok. My name is Chase” I heard Chase whisper.
“I’m River” I told him. I found the door and swung round and kicked it. I left a huge dint but it didn’t move.
“What are you trying to do” Chase asked me.
“I’m breaking out” I said.
“Good luck with that. I’ve already tried” he said before i thrusted my hand forward and watching the door fly off spinning. “Come on!” I said holding my hand out. Chase reached over and grabbed my hand. I pulled him up and we ran out of the cell. Dragging him with me I started making my way through the guards as they skidded in various directions.
The first person I found was Jade. Guards had grabbed her and she was screaming. I let go of Chase and ran to help Jade. Just before I reached her I saw the two guards being electrified. I turned around and looked at Chase. He was holding his hands out and lightning was coming out of them. I looked back at Jade who wasn’t being affected at all.
The two guards collapsed and I turned around to thank Chase but found him on the ground to.
“You alright” I asked her.
“Yeah I’m fine” she replied bending down and picking up her bow and arrows. “Who is that?” she asked me.
“His name is Chase. Come and help me get him up” I told her. We started to lift him but then we heard him say
“Just go I’m just going to slow you down”
“No you’re not” Jade told him. Just as we got him up on his feet Jay.J came sliding through a bunch of guards. She got up and started walking towards us. Behind her followed Bryan, Josh, Jackie, Lena and Matt. I was just about to ask where Lara and Mel were but just then Lara teleported in front of us with Mel.
“Heya” Lara greeted us. Then she fell over.
“Need a little help?” Jay.J asked back in human form.
“Yes please” I replied. Jay.J was quickly a tiger again and she walked up to us. We carefully put Chase on her back. We started making our way out of the jail releasing all the people we came by.
By the time we finally got out it was completely dark and the battlefield was raging. It was hard to stay hidden because we were in such a large group.
***at the enemy base***
"Do we have any info about the recent attack and break-out of jail number 3?" Brody asked impatiently.
"No sir, we haven't. They're an unknown group." Clay told Brody.
"Do we at least have names and pictures?" Brody asked.
"We have names for the three that broke out. The rest didn't refer to each other by names." Clay replied.
"And pictures?" Brody reminded him.
"Pictures for all except the dark haired girl" Kay informed Brody.
"All but the dark haired girl" Brody said.
"Yes sir it's like she knew where all the cameras were. All we got of her was her back." Clay said.
"Show me the pictures" Brody ordered. There was a lot of shuffling then the pictures appeared on the screen.
9 pictures were on the screen.
"The three that escaped their names are Josh, Bryan and Chase" Clay told Brody pointing to each picture.
"Tell me what you know about the others" Brody ordered.
"The one with red streaks in her hair transforms into a tiger. The little red head controls water. The orange hair girl can control air which can be a problem." Clay told Brody
"Ok continue. Tell me about the one who has no picture" Brody said.
"We are referring to her the leader" Clay Kay said.
"Ok tell me about the leader" Brody said impatiently.
"Well we think she is probably about 16 years old. From what the guards saw she is probably a telekinesis." Clay said
Brody cursed.
"Is something wrong Brody?" Kay asked.
"Yes there is. If she is a telekinesis then we have a problem." Brody told him.
“You know we could start an army because we’re ganging up with all the good guys. Hey! We might win this war after all” Josh stupidly said.
“That’s not a bad idea actually” Lara replied.
“Yeah we start an army of friends and we’ll win” Jackie happily said.
“And then all your friends get killed off one by one as we battle Brody’s army” Bryan bluntly said. Everyone went quite like they were deep in thought. Bryan was right about everyone being killed off one by one.
“They don’t have to be friends do they?” Lena asked.
“They’ll end up being your friends anyway so why try? All you need is me and my guns” Bryan egotistically told her. I grabbed Bryan around the neck and slammed him up against a wall.
“Bryan get the hell over yourself will you. I’m getting a little tired of you and your damn ego. It’s about ten times bigger than your brain which isn’t very big. If all we needed was you and your damn guns this war would be over by now.” I told him. I let go of him and he dropped to the ground. I turned around and looked at the others.
“We could start an army. But it’s not about how many people we have, it’s about strength. Together we’re strong, but when we aren’t we are the strongest. You shouldn’t have to rely on other people to help fight for you. Through this war I have watched most of you grow up, mature and become strong fighters. We are all fighters and we aren’t going to stop until we need to. A good fighter doesn’t need to rely on training. A good fighter should rely on their instincts.” I told them all. “If you don’t want to help fight Brody and his army then this is the time for you to leave”.
Everybody looked at each other. I heard Bryan get up and walk past me to the rest of the group.
“Even though you just threw me against a wall, I’ll stay.” Bryan said.
“I’m staying too” I heard Lena say. There were a few murmurs of them agreeing.
“Ok come on every one lets go home.” I said. We all started walking home.

As we approached the house we could smell the lovely cooking of mum. She was making something that smelled really nice. The younger ones all raced to the house obviously hungry. I stayed behind with Jay.J.
“You know Jay.J, sometimes I wish this war was over already. But then other times I think that it would be hard to adjust back to a semi normal life.” Jay.J gave a growl to agree. We reached the house and Jay.J transformed back into human form and I caught Chase before he fell and hit his head. We got inside and I put Chase on the couch and together Jay.J and I headed into the dining room. On the table there was a mixture of foods spread out on the table. Jay.J and I sat down in our normal places.
“Hey Sam, can I ask you a question” Lena asked.
“Yeah sure go ahead” Mum replied.
“Does River have asthma because I noticed that she has trouble breathing when running long distances” Lena said.
“Uh you know I’m sitting right here” I said waving at Lena. Mum seemed to have ignored my comment and replied.
“No she doesn’t have asthma. She’s always had trouble. When she was born she came out purple and not breathing” Mum explained.
Jade suddenly said “Oh you mean like a purple smurf?” Everybody cracked up laughing, including me. It was really funny when one of us kids did that. A comment was made then they say something really funny.
“Jeez thanks Jade.” I said sarcastically.
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Sun Jan 17, 2010 11:03 am

Chapter 5
“I told you so!”

“Bryan you’re a horrible driver” I yelled at him.
“Shut up and leave my driving alone. Do you wanna drive?” He yelled back.
“Yeah ok I will.” I replied.
“No, no I’m ok here” Bryan said quickly.
“Whoah Bryan look out! “ Lena yelled. Bryan turned his attention back to his driving and just then he saw a part of Brody’s army up ahead.
“Lets get out of here!” Bryan said.
“No! Ram them.” I told him.
“What are you kidding?” Lena asked.
“Nope.” I replied. Bryan accelerated and we hit the troops full on. The car hit them and flew into the air spinning. The car landed on its side with a nice bang. Lena and I both hit the side of the car hard.
“Ow!” Lena exclaimed.
“See that is why you wear your seatbelts” Bryan said sarcastically. He kicked his door open and climbed out. Lena followed him out. I got up then jumped out landing solidly.
“Great where are we gonna get another one of them?” Bryan asked.
“I told you so” I said to Bryan.
“Why are you saying I told you so?” Bryan asked.
“I told you, you were a bad driver.” I replied with a grin.
“See this is why you’re such a bad driver” Lena said pointing to the car. About a minute later we heard the sound of an aircraft.
“Need a lift?” Jay.J yelled down to us. 3 ladders dropped down and we climbed on them, Josh quickly flew the helicopter up just before we got attacked by Brody’s army. Bryan pulled out his machine gun and started shooting them.
“See that is why you need me and my guns.” Bryan said to me.
“Yeah well if you were smart enough you would have realized that most of them are vampires” I quickly replied. He gave me a quick scowl and started climbing up the ladder. About two seconds later I propelled myself into the aircraft and stood at the door.
“Hey Bryan how are you down there?” I yelled down to him. He looked up then down with a very confused look.
“How the hell?” Bryan said. Once I had climbed inside I saw that Josh was piloting the helicopter.
“I don’t want to know where you got this from” I said.
“Oh we hijacked it of Brody’s mates” Matt told me. He looked very proud of himself.
“And who let him pilot it?” I asked. Jay.J’s hands suddenly flew up into a surrender position.
“I didn’t do it”

Chapter 6

Chase. What to say about him. How to describe him? It’s hard considering we just met.
Chase has a dark blonde hair and he’s about average height. You could tell that he was very sporty from his build. My family and friends are still trying to find out if he’s trustable or not. Jade and I keep pointing out to everyone that he saved Jade’s life by electrifying the jail guards who had grabbed her. Is that enough? Nope, not in this world. In this world everything in this world is dangerous and moving, well until they’re dead.

Chase came to consciousness about four days after the jail break. He was confronted with a major headache and well a dart war too. When he looked around at his surroundings he found that he was in a double story house. There was lots of yelling and running around. But that wasn’t what caught his attention. It was the fact that this house wasn’t destroyed.
Most houses in the mutant world were destroyed to stop anybody who was against Brody from being relaxed and getting any rest. This house. Well it was nowhere near destroyed.
While looking around Chase caught sight of a girl that he vaguely recognized. It was the girl from the jail. That was when all the memories came flooding back. The jail cell. The girl. The fight. In the end it had left him unconscious.

Chapter 7
Dart Wars

I heard the low whistle of a dart passing by my head. I smiled. Their suckiness amused me to no end. They could try but they would never win.
“Ha-ha. You missed” I teased. I got up quickly and fired at Josh and Bryan. After that I ran for cover again. I jumped up to fire at Bryan when there was a knock on the door. Everybody just froze where they were. The first thought that came to my mind was ‘oh shit’ until I heard the familiar voices of Mel and Lara.
“Jade you get it please” Jay.J. Yelled across to Jade who was still in hiding. Jade jumped up and ran quickly to the door so that no-one would have time to hit her.

“Hey Lara and Mel” Jade greeted them as she opened the door.
“Hey Jade! What’s up?” Mel asked while walking in.
“Not much” Jade replied. Another whistle went by the girls heads and Lara turned to Jade.
“What is going on in here?” She asked.
“We better duck for cover.” Jade said before another dart missed them. “NOW!” All three girls ran into the lounge room and jumped behind a couch. Matt was sitting there panting and reloading his dart gun.
“Oh my god Are you guys having a dart war? In your house?” Lara asked.
“Ha-ha yeah” Jade replied. After Jade said that they heard a huge ca thump. Mel, Lara, Matt and Jade turned around to see Bryan unconscious on the ground.
“Dart war is officially over” River announced. Lara and Mel cracked up laughing. They loved it when Bryan ended up unconscious or in pain. They always betted on how much pain his head would be in when he woke up too.
“Wahoo! Go River.” Mel yelled out when River had jumped down from where she was. From the opposite side of the room Josh was sulking. He hated loosing. Especially to a girl.
“Oh what’s wrong Josh? Lost to a girl. Is it too embarrassing?” Matt teasingly said to Josh.
“Yeah well Matt you lost to a girl too. And you know what the worst part of it was? The fact you cowered most of the time.” Josh retorted. Matt looked like he had just been hit in the face. Matt and Josh ran at each other and both tackled each other. Or at least they tried. They ended up falling down and wrestling with each other.
“So River. Another victory to add to your list” Lara said to River after she had walked over to stand with them.
“Ha-ha. You bet.” River said laughing at Josh and Matt. River’s attention wasn’t kept long by the boys. She moved over to the couch where Chase was. She wasn’t expecting him to be awake. He was laughing too.
“Hey Miss. Conquer” Chase greeted her.
“And hello to you to” River said laughing.
“Do you by chance have any headache tablets?” He asked.
“Yup-yup. Right this way” River told him.

“I have a question” Chase later asked me.
“Yeah go ahead” I replied looking at him.
“Most people would leave me for dead or to be chucked back into the jail cell. But you, you brought me here and cared for me and nobody else would” Chase said without looking up.
“And you’re asking why I did what I did?” I said to him.
“Yeah I am.” Chase replied.
“We brought you back here because of what you did to save my little sister” I told him getting up from my seat and walking out of the room.
“Where are you going?” Chase yelled at me.
“For another dart war. You coming?” I asked before walking off. I heard the chair move and thudding of footsteps from behind me.
“How do you play dart wars?” He asked. I just looked at him and smiled.

Darts where whistling all over the lounge room. I was standing behind one of the upstairs pillars. I always loved playing dart wars. Best game that was ever invented that isn’t on the computer. Bryan is going to be so pissed at us when he finds out that we played dart wars without him. I smiled at that. I wondered if Chase had worked out how to play yet. Only one way to find out, I jumped over the ledge and landed then I ran to where Chase was hiding.
“Know how to play yet?” I asked him.
“I think I got it.” He said looking at me with a huge smile.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“I love it. I can see why you guys love it.” He responded. He then jumped up and shot at where Josh was hiding. “The only thing I don’t like is how I can never get a shot at you.”
“The beauty of being me. Cya.” I said before running off. I quickly ran up the stairs while firing at Josh and Jay.J. I heard a frenzy of swear words then Josh collapsed. Ha-ha bingo! I’m good, and had a lot of fun showing off every once and a while. I heard giggles come from Jay.J. Silly move girl, I know where you are it thought.
“One down five to go” I told myself. I could hear giggling coming from Mel and Lara. That only means one thing. They knew that Josh had been hit. They always found it amusing when my brothers ended up unconscious. I mean who wouldn’t. That was why dart wars was so amusing.

For those who don’t know the rules of dart wars they are simple. You have as many players as you want but the darts have to have tranquilizer darts. The first person to hit two people and successfully get them unconscious is the winner. It’s as simple as that. Oh and you got to have fun. Bryan always seemed to be one of the two people who ended up unconscious. It was really funny until there was a fight and we got called out. And it sucked even more when it was mainly vampires, seeming as he has finally realized that guns don’t work against them.

This game of dart wars naturally didn’t last long. I heard Jay.J drop her gun and realized within a second that Jay.J was having an uncontrollable transformation. I was obviously wasn’t the only one to notice this because Mel and Lara stood up and aimed their tranq guns and the area where Jay.J was. I did the same thing and we started firing at her.
“Om my god are you guys insane” I heard Chase yell. After I was sure that Jay.J was unconscious I jumped down from the balcony and ran up the stairs to where Jay.J was lying. Mel, Lara and Chase weren’t far behind me.
“Why did you shoot her like that?” He asked very confused and angry.
“Because sometimes she has these uncontrollable transformations and she becomes very viscous” Mel told him. He looked at Jay.J and saw what she meant. Jay.J was only just going back to her human form. I think she ended up with more than five darts in her.
“Wow what a way to end a good game” Lara said out loud.
“Yeah I would have loved to see who won.” Mel replied.
“Well anyway you two I technically won because I got Josh then I shot Jay.J at least two times” I sarcastically said to them as I walked by.
“Hand it over” Lara told Mel. I heard Mel sigh then a rumple of a $5 dollar bill. Another bet. And this time Mel didn’t win. I laughed before walking off to my room. Obviously Lara had betted that Jay.J and Josh would be hit while Mel said that Josh and Matt would be hit.

By the morning both of the boys had woken up but Jay.J remained unconscious. I guess that we shot her with what was equivalent to an elephant tranquilizer. I’m glad that I won’t have her huge headache when she wakes up. So for now we’re all just sitting around the house training in several ways while we wait for some interesting activity to show up.
And guess what our luck would be. We would be playing a game of dart wars and we just get Bryan and then we would have an army of vampires show up.
It would just be our luck. And the likeliness of that happening is 92%. Yup ninety-two percent. Because it happens almost every time. Well except for the last two times. Anyway, Lara, Mel and I had decided that fighting got boring so we started dancing and singing for the first time in ages.
“I reckon that we should do Evacuate the dance floor” Lara said to Mel.
“I agree with you but I want to do S.O.S. by Jordin Sparks” Mel argued back. I just stood there laughing at them. They could never make up their minds about which song they wanted to do.
“River what do you think?” Mel ended up asking me.
“Neither. Let’s do hear no See no Speak no by Ricki-Lee” I told them. They nodded their heads in agreement and started talking again like nothing happened. That was very typical of them. Jade suddenly burst into the room getting our attention.
“Brody’s army is heading our way ready to attack us.” Jade told us in-between breathes. Lara, Mel and I looked at each other and ran out of the room to the weapons room. I opened up a trunk and pulled out two swords. I turned around and swung both of them.
“Now that is why you’re so scary” Matt told me with a grin.
“And you find a girl swinging two swords scary?” I replied to him.
“No I find you extra scary when you swing two swords like that” he said before leaving the room.
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Wed Jan 20, 2010 12:28 am

Good work Cate
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PostSubject: Re: My story that i'm writing   Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:53 am

One of the character profiles.

Name: River
Age: 16
Hair colour: Black
Height: 171cm
Weight: 55kg
Favourite food: Chocolate
Other Names: Danni, dangerous
Ability: telekinesis & fast healing
Other hobbies: Dancing, singing, drawing, writing, sleeping, hitting things & having a 100% sarcastic conversation with someone who think you’re being serious.
Preferred weapon: Sword, fist & foot, Bow and Arrow

River is a 16 year old girl who went into the battlefield at the age of 14. River is a fast and strong girl with the powers of telekinesis and quick healing. She uses her environment to her advantage and she is a very quick learner. Anything and everything is a weapon to her. She is the main weapon in her group of mutants fighting for humans. River would do almost anything to be accepted at school.
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My story that i'm writing
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